I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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