We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
