my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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