I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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