this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize