She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
