I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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