Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
