Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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