C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
