if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
