Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
