One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize