I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
