Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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