guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
