You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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