Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
