Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
