Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Still dying that you shit outside
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
