RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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