nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
