I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
