you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
