Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
