i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
