shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
