so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
