no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
