I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
