I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
