dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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