Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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