So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
