I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
