Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
