Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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