Small penises have feelings too.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
