Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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