That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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