The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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