Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
