He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
