im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
