I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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