i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
