Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
