Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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