a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
