I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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