It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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