If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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