I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
