Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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