now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
