I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize