In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
