Porn is love you can see.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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