Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
