I think I just saw someone hide a body.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my liver is dry heaving
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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