This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize