I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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