My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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