Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize