You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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