Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
