My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
