I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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