She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
