I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize