you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize