ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize