its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
