It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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