he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
