why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
