it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
