My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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