And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
