Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
